i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize