ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
