since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize