3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
