is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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