We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It's official drugs can't kill me
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
