I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize