I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
