He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I would ride that face into the sunset
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
