i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
