Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
