Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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