you lied. pity sex is amazing.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
