Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
