You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
