Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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