dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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