So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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