Whatcha textin bout Willis?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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