Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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