i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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