I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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