I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
