We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
