I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
