After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
