no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm both gender and math confused
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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