my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
