even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
