there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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