Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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