I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
