so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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