If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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