If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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