i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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