I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
