If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
