i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
