I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
