I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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