if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
