...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
