brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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