Can Purell be used as lube?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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