I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
