I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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