He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
