he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
