I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
