Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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