I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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