I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
