So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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