I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
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