tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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