Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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