morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
