can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
