I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
why do cheetos always look like penises
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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