I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my shit smells like andre
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
