I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
