Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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