I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
