who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize